Guys, this picture is crazy as hell. I was itis'd up after turkey today (Thanksgiving), Stumbling and StumblingUpon tons of weird sites toting the 10 canine commandments (dog pledges to humans), tips on how to fix Thanksgiving disasters, a wine guide, some tree photos, a couple rock guidebooks; you know, StumbleUpon-style random stuff that really just mushes up your brain more than it needs to be mushed at any given time. If StumbleUpon would have existed when I was in college I'd for sure have failed out. I mean (no) drugs, boys and procrastination already made it hard enough...AM I RIGHT? ("Ladies, ladies, ladies..."- Paula Poundstone.)
But, ya, that site is crazy. Have you used it? Here--if you havent--go there now-->StumbleUpon. It's free to sign up, do that, then just pick stuff you like from the options they give you. Anything from entertainment, sports, gardening, food/drink, art, fashion, science, gadgets, languages, people, travel, money, you name it...just check it off the list. After you've dwindled however many minutes you're trying to dwindle (this is definitely a time-burning site), click the "stumble!" icon and see what it gives you. Like I said, my shit is all over the place; Johnny Depp's eyeliner applicator's interview in Marie Claire, stumbled next to THIS FUCKING PICTURE above. Which brings me to my point...
WHAT IS THIS!? It's listed as "20-striking-natural-disasters" in its description but gives no explanation anywhere as to what the hell is going on. At first glance, I was sure it was the work of an out-of-place Ursula the Sea Witch, crafting her angry land-brew in the sky instead of at the depths of hell's oceans...but then i realized it was actually the sideview profile of a death-cloud-panther whose jawline and teeth were laced with lightning, eyes glowing with fire, and a nose traced by what appeared to be the tail of an actually-still-burning comet. Huh. *dead silence/stares off*
So I'm all for this site but I think I'm either using it wrong, or we need some more freaking info here. You're gonna ask me to pick all the things I like, scour the entire internet for my entertainment, then just simply tease me with stunning imagery that offers me no education? I guess in this case I'm down with just, "sky panther of death"...but knowing maybe if anyone possibly survived this apocalypse, how it formed, where it took place, ...anything? anything at all? would probably sooth my soul a little. I feel like I just did something I wasn't supposed to--almost dirty, and I think it's because I think this is a personal photo. One that some person took, either to show to friends and family with a story to share, or to mail to mortal enemies with attached threats, that was never supposed to get to me, full as hell to the brim via turkey and malbec as a stranger on Thanksgiving in Chicago* (*though this photog could very will be a non-stranger in Chicago, I'd like to think if that was the case, this fire-face, panther-man wouldn't be such a fucking shock as it would be part of an old story I'd heard once before...or a threat even).
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I guess it got me high-thinking about privacy and impressionism, and with a wide lens. Wouldn't it be funny if Sherlock Holmes was still around? That guy would annoy everyone on Facebook for sure...always asking auspicious leading questions like "Has anyone seen Leo Brattleboro oot and aboot? I'm gumshoeing him for a case of the murder. If you're at The Arrowhead Cigar Shop, look around, do you see him? (pic attached) ...he just checked in there on Foursquare and I need you to pin him down. Anyone? I'm on my way."
Ugh I mean it's ridiculous. Some call it Big Brother, but to be Orwellian would mean it to be not only out of our control, but also to be something we didn't wish to have. Dames showing off, checking in at Fendi in NY on their holiday vaca, dudes checking in on game-day at some douchey sports bar with 200 tv's...we get it. You leave your fucking house. Good for you. I don't care that you're at O'hare, but some dude trying to rob you does, and all your stupid gold is stolen now. How do you like that? Oh, someone got fired from work because he called in sick, then by 10 am was checked into a bloody mary parlour just blocks away from his office? How invasive and inappropriate of them to fire him, right?! No; wrong...this dumbass is friends with his boss online and checking into a bar on Foursquare when he's supposed to have the measles or whatever. If you want to get fired or have your dumb gold stolen, keep "checking in," dummies. If you just want your friends to meet you, text them. Cool?
Anyway, if you know anything about this demon-cat of flaming purple skies above, I'd like any and all info. Does this cloud-beast breath fire? It kind of looks like it could ya know? Do you guys see this panther or am I totally mental? Get back to me on all accounts. Happy Thanksgiving y'all. Do something nice for someone today.
